Laughing Tears
by Crystle
Summary: Isn’t it funny, Kyou-kun? I just can’t stop mourning for you. No matter how hard I laugh, I can’t cover up my tears. (Kagura POV)


::Laughing Tears::

I know it's only my own fault I run after you, pine after you, but I can't help it. In the beginning, I only loved your for myself, but then I learned that love wasn't that simple. Love is a precious thing, and not to be trifled with. It is a gift, a law, an unyielding bond that changes you forever. I was silly not to see that, and now…well, now you see how things turned out? But in the end, my lies turned true and I love you, I love the Cat, the Outcast, to one that should be shunned. It's only irony that I started to pretend my love because of what you are, continued my journey because of what you are, and fell because of what you are. Because even though I like to gloat over myself as 'the one who loves the Cat' it doesn't really matter. My love doesn't do you any good. It hurts you, and I am sorry. I am very sorry. 

"Kagura-chan? Is that basket too heavy for you? I can help, if you are tired!"

"Iie, Tohru-kun! I can do it! Really."

Tohru-kun. Sweet, sweet Tohru-kun. I can see why you love her. Her smiles, her naivety…..…everything about her…they are so wonderful, are they not? But don't worry; I do not hate kind Tohru. I am not jealous of her. Not really……… I understand that you just like her beter, and I do not ask why. After all, it is obvious. Tohru-kun is special to you. But yet I think, Tohru is special to so many people…I'm not special to anyone, couldn't you see that and—there I go again! Gomen Nasai! Of course I am special to people! Many, many people. How stupid I am.

"What a beautiful day, Kagura-chan! Everything is so pretty; I just want to stand and watch it all day long! Oh, but there are things to do, and I can't just stand around! Landry!"

Go on, love Tohru-kun. Are you afraid of what Akito-san might do? Don't worry; I will protect you from that. Just please…love her, don't give me a chance to love you. Because if you do, I'll become hopeful, and my hopes will be inevitably dashed. So love her, and I'll content knowing that you've already gone too far for me. I already know that you will never love me like the way that I love you, I've known since that day you told me softly that you were happy for my friendship…My friendship only. 

"Ah, the wind will dry the clothes very quickly! Arigatou Wind-san! Look, it's Kyou's favorite shirt. Remember we mended it after it got torn in the wash? It was very tattered, but we did it! Now I think it looks even better! Kagura-chan is a great seamstress!"

"Tohru-kun is very nice!"

But I'm not, really. Tohru-kun, I admit, did most of the work. And does she not know that it was my fault in the first place that Kyou's shirt ended up like that? I was trying to impress him, trying to get him to notice me as something other than a pest. And it, as most of the other plans I've had, failed horribly. 

"I'll take care of these, ne? I like to hang up sheets."

"Does Kagura-chan not want to do Kyou-kun's clothes?"

"Iie. It's okay, you do them, okay?"

"Eto……..is Kagura-chan sure? Kagura liked to hang up Kyou-kun's stuff before….…"

"Not this time! I've decided I liked the sheets!"

"Okay."

I'm going to have the live with my broken love forever, I guess. And I have no one but myself to blame. Silly me, Silly Kagura, getting herself tagged up in something like this. The boar must be really stupid! I should have known selfishness never gets you anywhere. Because I have been so selfish, declaring to the world how much I love you…yet never truly think about what /_you_/ want. I was obsessed in my own blind love. So don't feel bad about anything. It would make me worse to know that Kyou-kun was guilty because of me.

"The last one………"

"Wow, have we almost finished already?!"

"Hai!"

"That's great! Thank you so much for helping me, Kagura-chan, I'm sure I would have taken much longer if you weren't here."

Don't thank me Tohru-kun! I, everybody, already owe you so much! Be in my place okay? Make Kyou-kun happy like I always wanted to. You can do it, I'm sure. Can't you see how he lights up when you talk to him, or smile at him? He loves you Tohru-kun. Likes he'll never love me.

"Oh, don't thank me, Tohru-kun! I had a lot of fun!"

"Me too. Would Kagura-chan like tea? She's been working and must be thirsty, it is very hot today!"

What about you though? Are you thirsty? You must be, since you've worked right besides me all day. But you wouldn't say that, that's jus the way you are, always kind, and caring about everybody else. That must be another reason Kyou-kun likes you so much.

"Please? Have tea!"

"Okay! Is Kyou home?"

It just sort of slipped out. I guess I'm used to asking.

"I think so. Will Kagura-chan—"

"Iie. I think I'll just have tea and be on my way, ne? Kyou-kun must be very busy. School is starting again and everything."

And I wouldn't want to intrude. I almost add. For I would feel like intruding. That must sound odd, coming from the girl who had, before launched herself at her darling cat at any given moment. But I would. Tohru-kun, Yun-chan, Shigure-sensei……..Kyou-kun, I would feel like I was intruding on their life. Tohru-kun leads me inside and to the table, where she fusses until I sit down and wait for her to make tea. I want to help, I tell her, but she insists. And so I sit, waiting for her. 

I look around me, I've been here so many times………Mostly just to satisfy my 'Kyou need' But now, I don't think I'll come so much anymore. 

"Kagura?"

"K-Kyou-kun?"

He looks at me warily, slightly nervously.

"What are you doing here?"

Should I say that I was helping Tohru-kun with the laundry? Or should I go with old habits and declare that I had come to see him? No matter how much I try, I really don't want to change that much. Everything was neat and tidy when it was just you and me. I suppose that I got used to having no one else to compete with for your attention. I mean, you are the cat.

Fortunely, we were interrupted by Tohru-kun bringing back the tea. You looked at her…and I suddenly had the urge to leave. But at the same time, I wanted to stay and stubbornly cling to you. 

"Anou…..…"

"Hai? Kagura-chan, do you need anything?!"

"Iie, Iie. Demo, I just remembered, I had something to do. Gomen Nasai! I have to go now."

I felt like crying, and I almost never cry. 

"Are you sure?"

I usually laugh.

"Hai, Tohru-kun. Ja ne, Kyou-kun."

You're looking at me, so surprised. I begin to laugh, and yet, at the same time, cry. Isn't it funny, Kyou-kun? I just can't stop mourning for you. No matter how hard I laugh, I can't cover up my tears.

  
  



End file.
